| Do you live on a chicken farm? 'Cause you sure know how to raise a cock. |
| Are you a drill sergeant? Because you have my privates standing at attention. |
| You're just like my little toe, because I'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home. |
| Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you're making me hard. |
| If you're feeling down, I can feel you up. |
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| Are your legs made of Nutella? Because I'd love to spread them! |
| There will only be 7 planets left after I destroy Uranus. |
| I'm no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight. |
| Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong. |
| I may not go down in history, but I'll go down on you. |
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| Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package. |
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| Do you know the difference between my dick and a chicken wing? No? Well, let's go on a picnic and find out! |
| Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist. |
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| Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up. |
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| Are you a doctor? cause you just cured my erectile dysfunction. |
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| Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? [Pull your pockets inside out] Would you like to? |
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| Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one. |
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| If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' between 'F' and 'CK' |
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| Hey Baby! I'd like to use your thighs as earmuffs. |
| You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away. |
| Are you from Iraq? 'Cause I like the way you Baghdad ass up. |
| Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore - my face should be among them. |
| Hey baby, I think you just made my two by four into a four by eight. |
| Is that a keg in your pants? Because I'd love to tap that ass. |
| Hey cutie, wanna go halves on a baby? |
| You can call me cake, cause I'll go straight to your ass. |
| Are you hungry? Cause omelette you suck this dick. |
| Do you like pudding? Cause I'll be pudding this dick in your ass. |
| Can I read your t-shirt in braille? |
| Do you have an inhaler? Because you've got ass ma. |
| Do you smoke pot? Because weed be cute together |
| Are you my homework? Cause I'm not doing you but I definitely should be. |
| Roses are red, violets are fine. If I be the 6, will you be the 9? |
| Do you go to church often? Cause you're gonna be on your knees tonight. |
| Do you know your ABC's? Cause I wanna give you the 4th letter of the alphabet. |
| Are you an archaeologist? Because I've got a bone for you to examine. |
| I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle. |
| You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night. |
| Just remember: To you, I am a virgin. |
| What's the speed limit of sex? [what?] 68. Because at 69 YOU have to turn around! |
| I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus. |
| I'm like a Rubik's Cube, the more you play with me the harder I get! |
| What's the difference between a Ferrari and an erection? I don't have a Ferrari. |
| Hi, do you want to have my children? [No] OK, can we just practice then? |
| I'm afraid of the dark... Will you sleep with me tonight? |
| I love my bed but I'd rather be in yours. |
| Baby, I'm like a firefighter, I find 'em hot and leave 'em wet! |
| I spent over a grand on Viagra today, only to come here and see you and find out that I don't need it after all. |
| Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts? |
| I'm hung like a tic tac. Wanna freshen your breath? |
| Do you come here often or wait till you get home? |
| Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) Because I can see myself in your pants. |
| Do you wash your panties with Windex? Because I can really see myself in them. |
| Do you need a stud in your life? Cause I got the STD and all I need is U. |
| Why pay for a bra, when I would gladly hold your boobs up all day for free? |
| You smell like trash. May I take you out? |
| If I had AIDS, would you have sex with me? [No] Well, I don't, so let's go. |
| Excuse me, but do you give head to strangers? [No] Well then, allow me to introduce myself. |
| I wanna floss with your pubic hair. |
| I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand. |
| If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter, would you let me come for dinner between the holidays? |
| That dress looks great on you...as a matter of fact, so would I. |
| So, come back to my place, and if you don't like it I swear I'll give you a full refund. |
| Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in? |
| Let's have a party and invite your pants to come on down. |
| Do you have any Italian in you? Would you like some? |
| Hey baby, let's play house, you can be the door and I'll slam you all night long! |
| Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good. |
| I think I could fall madly in bed with you. |
| Let's play carpenter. First we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you. |
| We're like hot chocolate and marshmallows... You're hot and I wanna be on top of you. |
| Wanna go on an 'ate' with me? I'll give you the 'D' later. |
| You're so hot, even my pants are falling for you! |
| Are you from the Philippines? Because I wanna phil you with my penis. |
| Do you like Ramen Noodles? Cuz I'll be Rammin' my noodle in you later. |
| Are you spaghetti cause I want you to meat my balls. |
| Do you like whales? Cause we can go hump back at my place. |
| Baby I last longer than a white crayon. |
| Do you like to draw? Cause I put the D in Raw. |
| We should play strip poker. You can strip, and I'll poke you. |
| You remind me of the movie "Scarface" cause I want you to say hello to my little friend. |
| Do you like Adele? Cause I can tell you wanna be rolling in the D. |
| Girl, you should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a wiener stand. |
| I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality? |
| "Do you like cherries?" [No.] "Ok, can I have yours?" |
| Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger? [No] Wink. |
| Hey baby, wanna play lion? You go kneel down right there and I'll throw you my meat. |
| [Excuse me, do you have the time?] "Yes, do you have the energy?" |
| At the office copy machine "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?" |
| Do you have a phone in your back pocket? Because your booty is calling me. |
| (Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand. |
| Hi, wanna f**k? [No] Mind lying down while I do? |
| I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate. |
| I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me? |
| Is your name daisy? Because I have a sudden urge to plant you right here! |
| Does your ass have Allstate insurance? [No, why?] Well do you want it to be in good hands? |
| Let me insert my plug into your socket and we can generate some electricity. |
| You have been very naughty. Go to my room! |
| Do you like Wendy's? Cause you're gonna love Wendy's nuts slap yo face! |
| Don't ever change. Just get naked. |
| Are those jeans Guess? Cause guess who wants to be inside them... |
| Do you like bacon? Wanna strip? |
| Hey there, I just took some Cialis and I have 18 hours left. |
| I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body? |
| Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "'Cause they're mine sweetheart." |
| I wanna put my thingy into your thingy. |
| Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face. |
| I would absolutely love to swap bodily fluids with you. |
| Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway. |
| I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there. |
| I'm not Asian but I'll still eat your cat. |
| Are you the lottery lady on TV, because I'm picturing you holding up my balls. |
| Damn girl I'd love to kiss those beautiful, luscious lips. And the ones on your face. |
| I have a job for you, but it blows! |
| Do you have a shovel? Cause I'm diggin' that ass! |
| The things I would do if I got a few roofies in you. |
| Damn, are you my new boss, because you just gave me a raise. |
| You're so hot you could make a deceased man's dick rise from the dead! |
| As long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit. |
| You must be yogurt because I want to spoon you. |
| Do you like tapes and CD's? Cause I'm gonna tape this dick to your forehead so you CD's nuts. |
| Do you work at the wood store? Cause I could've sworn you gave me wood before. |
| Do you like soda? Because I'd mount-and-do you. (Mountain Dew) |
| Is it hot in here, or are your boobs just huge. |
| I'm peanut butter, you're jelly, let's have sex. |
| If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by tomorrow morning. |
| Remember my name, because you'll be screaming it later! |
| Nice shoes, wanna f**k? |
| Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex? |
| Nice tits. Mind if I squeeze them? |
| Oh, you're a bird watcher. [Pull out your dong] Well, would you take this for a swallow? |
| Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna go down on you. |
| Is your name Osteoporosis? Because you're giving me a serious bone condition |
| Is your name winter? Because you'll be coming soon. |
| Do you like jalapeños? Cause in a minute I'll be jalapeño pussy. |
| Are you a shark? Cause I've got some swimmers for you to swallow. |
| Are you jewish? Cause the way you're looking at me, I'm beginning to think Jewish this dick was in your mouth. |
| Do you work for Papa Johns? Cause you're a fine pizza ass. |
| Girl are you a witch? Cause you know how to make something stand without even touching it |
| Are you from China? Cause I'm China get in your pants. |
| Do you like Pizza Hut? Cause I'll stuff your crust. |
| Since we've been told to reduce waste these days, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire. |
| [Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say] "Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?" |
| The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to f**k you on the floor. |
| The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word. |
| We're going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and f**k. |
| What can I do to make you sleep with me? |
| Let's go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply. |
| I wish you were a screen door, so I could slam you all day long! |
| Do you like yoga? Cause Yoganna love this dick. |
| Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours. |
| I'd like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart... |
| Hey! Wanna play war? I'll lay on the ground and you blow the f**k outta me! |
| If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole? |
| My dick's been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth? |
| If I told you I had a 2 inch dick would you f**k me? [No] Good, because mine is 8 inches. |
| Do you like apples? [Yes/No] How about I take you home and f**k the sh*t out of you. How do like them apples? |
| Do you like jewels? [Yes/No] well, suck my dick, it's a gem. |
| They say sex is a killer... Do you want to die happy? |
| First, I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I'll move up to your belly button. |
| Your lips are kinda wrinkled. Mind if I press them? |
| I have a big headache. I hear the best cure for headaches is sex. What say we go upstairs and work out a remedy. |
| So, Is it safe to say I'm gonna score? |
| I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas. |
| I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free. |
| Do you like my belt buckle? (any response is okay ) It would look better against your forehead! |
| Do you wanna come to the Marines, or would your rather have a Marine come into you? |
| Are you gay? [No] Wow, me neither, let's have sex. |
| If I washed my dick, would you suck it? [No] Oh, so you like to suck dirty dicks. |
| Nice f**king weather. Want to? |
| That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed. |
| We're out of bleach. Do you want to go in the janitor's closet and make out? |
| There are 206 bones in the human body. How would you like one more? |
| Those are nice jeans, do you think I could get in them? |
| Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh. |
| What do you like for breakfast? |
| Which is easier? You getting into those tight pants or getting you out of them? |
| Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up? |
| Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight? |
| You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand. |
| Are those lumberjack pants your wearing? They are giving me a wood. |
| You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you. |
| Hey baby, as long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit. |
| Hey baby there's a party in my pants and you are invited! |
| Can I walk through your bushes and climb your mountains? |
| Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest? |
| I'm a freelance gynecologist. How long has it been since your last checkup? |
| Do you take Visa? |
| Excuse me, I just shit in my pants. Can I get in yours? |
| You are the reason that god invented boners. |
| With great penis, comes great responsibility. |
| If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head? |
| If you're feeling down, I can fill you up. |
| There are so many things you can do with the human mouth... why waste it on talking? |
| How do you like your eggs? Poached, scrambled or fertilized? |
| You smell... We should go take a shower together. |
| Would you like a hotdog to go with those buns? |
| You're like my own personal brand of heroin. |
| This may seem corny, but you make me really horny. |
| I'm a burglar and I'm gonna smash your backdoor in. |
| Do you wanna do something that rhymes with 'Truck'? |
| I have a rare disease that will kill me unless I have sex within the next 30 minutes. Don't let me die! |
| I bet my tongue can beat up your tongue. |
| Yeah, it's big and if you pet it, it spits |
| Let us let only latex stand between our love. |
| Do you wanna see why my nickname is 'tri-pod'? |
| There are plenty of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to catch and mount back at my place. |
| I heard your ankles were having a party... want to invite your pants down? |
| Are you a virgin? [No] Prove it! |
| You bring a whole new meaning to the word, "edible." |
| I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated. |
| Want to play lion tamer? You could get on all fours and I'll put my head in your mouth. |
| If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed? |
| Do you like chicken? Sorry, I haven't got any, how about a cock? |
| I think that we might be related. Let me check for the family birthmark on your chest. |
| Are you from Ireland? 'Cuz my dick's-a-Dublin! |
| [Look down at your crotch] It's not just going to suck itself. |
| I'm a writer, you're a writer, how about we get naked together and put some poetry in motion? |
| Are you from Africa? Cause I wanna know Kenya suck this dick? |
| [Hold up a screw] Wanna screw? |
| Do you want to come over to my place and feed your beaver some wood? |
| [What are you doing?] I'm taking off my shoes. [Why?] So I can take off my pants. |
| How about you be my story and I'll be your climax! |
| "I have this magic watch that can actually talk to me. Seriously, it's saying something right now. It says that you're not wearing any underwear, is that true?." [No.] "Oh wait, my watch is an hour fast! |
| Is your name Dora? Cause I'll let you explore this dick. |
| I like your hair, your eyes, your smile... I like every bone in your body... Especially mine! |
| Do you sleep on your stomach? [No] Can I? |
| Lets play "Titanic." When I say "Iceburg!" you do down. |
| Do you believe guys think with their dick? (Yeah.) Well, in that case, will you blow my mind? |
| Smile. It is the second best thing you can do with your lips. |
| Don't you think most people who use pick-up lines are dipsticks? (Yes.) In that case, mind if I check your oil level? |
| Your shirt has to go, but you can stay. |
| Would you like to actively engage in mock procreation? |
| I'm easy. Are you? |
| Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under. |
| Could you do me a favor? Could you get on your knees and smile like a donut? |
| This is a condom. If we put it on, we can have sex. |
| I WANT SEX! Sorry, the doctor said that would help... |
| Do you believe in free love? [No] Then how much do you cost? |
| Hey baby, I'll f**k you so well the NEIGHBORS will be having a cigarette when we're done. |
| Want to make a porno? We don't have to tape it. |
| Let's not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let's get to it. |
| Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open? |
| I don't know you, and you don't know me, but who's to say it's wrong if we sleep together? |
| Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's in your bra? |
| I just popped a Viagra. So, we've got about 30 minutes to get back to your place. |
| I think that pick-up lines are for people with to much time on their hands. Let's just f**k. |
| You have a beautiful voice. I bet it would sound even better muffled by my penis. |
| If you can dance, you have my hand, but if you can sing, you have my heart. I hope to God you can't sing because I just wanna f**k you. |
| That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it? |
| Hi, I'm gay. Do you think you can convert me? |
| I'm the finger down your spine when all the lights go out. |
| If I'm a pain in your ass... We can just add more lubricants. |
| Life is short. Let's f**k and see if there is anything after that. |
| Let me eat you for an hour. If you don't want to have sex after that, we won't. |
| All those curves, and me with no brakes. |
| [Give the person a bottle of wine or tequila] Drink this, and then call me when you're ready. |
| Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap motel room across the street. |
| I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex. |
| [Walk into her chest] "If they weren't sooo large, it wouldn't have happened!" |
| If the sun were to stop shining, I'd be your source of vitamin D. |
| How much will $20 get me? |
| Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at pick up lines... nice tits. |
| Want to spend the night at my house tonight? The couch may not pull out, but I do. |
| So, come back to my place, and if you don't like it I swear I'll give you a full refund. |
| What are you doing tonight? Besides me, of course? |
| Will you be my girlfrien? I left out the 'd' cause you'll get that later! |
| My name is Skittles... wanna taste my rainbow? |
| Are those pants on sale? Cause they're 100% off at my place! |
| I'm with the TSA and I need to perform a full body cavity search, for security reasons. |
| Can I be the wiener in your hotdog? |
| I only have 12 hours to live... please don't let me die a virgin. |
| I'm bigger and better than the Titantic - only 200 women went down on that vessel! |
| What is a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? |
| What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper. |
| With my IQ and your body, we could make a race of superchildren and conquer the earth! |
| You remind me of a crop, because I wanna plow you. |
| On a scale from 1 to "the human centipede", how close am I to that ass? |
| Do you like long cocks on the beach? |
| Do you have an Asian passport? Because I'm China get into your Japantees |
| I'd crawl over a thousand miles of broken glass just to suck the dick of the last guy you slept with. |
| Hey baby, I've got a back seat with your name on it. |
| I wanna paint you green and spank you like a disobedient avocado. |
| I have the entire dictionary written on my dick. Want me to put some words in your mouth?? |
| The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you? |
You wanna go out this weekend?
[Sorry, I have a boyfriend]
I have a math test tomorrow
[What?]
Oh, I thought we were talking about things we could both cheat on! |
Are those space pants? Cuz your ass is out of this world!
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