Slapstick Saturday! by hasl December 27, 2014 at 2:12 PM UTC

So this is going to be my weekly post of jokes I've been told or been sent links to. Enjoy :) (Some might be a bit rude :P)

1. Boy: "I got an F in arithmetic."
Father: "Why?"
Boy: "The teacher asked 'How much is 2×3?' and I said '6'"
Father: "But that's right!"
Boy: "Then she asked me 'How much is 3×2?'"
Father: "What's the fucking difference?"
Boy: "That's exactly what I said!"

2. Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone." "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

3. Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out the window.
Teacher: who just threw that?!
Boy: Me! I’m going home now.

4. An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

5. Yo' Mama's cooking is so bad, the homeless give it back!

6. Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!" The teacher fainted.

Excuse the language in the jokes. Have a great weekend!
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StewieFG December 27, 2014 at 2:12 PM UTC

LOL i like the way you're thinking LOL

Mooch24 December 27, 2014 at 3:12 PM UTC

i like this thread.

this here is a good thread

chaibrit1 December 27, 2014 at 5:12 PM UTC

i like how April and Johnny are little but they have the worst language and minds
this is good tho
moar

Sphrynax December 28, 2014 at 2:12 AM UTC

MOAR PL0X

BoldAndBrash December 28, 2014 at 2:12 AM UTC

Sticky this.

MidnightBeats December 28, 2014 at 2:12 AM UTC

I laughed at this.

IviFetita December 28, 2014 at 2:12 AM UTC

Woah,.... very funny though! ._.
That language is very..... :P

Camemes December 28, 2014 at 3:12 AM UTC

Extremely Hilarious
I cant wait for the next one! Keep it up!