Slapstick Saturday! Week 2 by hasl January 3, 2015 at 12:01 PM UTC

Before I start I just want to say a massive Thank You! for all your supportive comments on my first week! So let me stop rambling on and let the laughs start!

1. A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception. She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said, "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these." The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped. I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your mommy probably calls your daddy all the time." Instantly, Little Johnny coughed his onto the floor and shouted, "Quick! Spit'em out! They're assholes!"

2. While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"

3. A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

4. A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:
Man: What's the problem officer?
Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man: No sir, I was going 65.
Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.
Man: Shut your mouth, woman!
Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?
Wife: No, only when he's drunk.

5. A teacher said to her class, "Right, i'm going to hold something under the desk and i want you to guess it. This one is round and red." Little Johnny's hand shot up, but he was ignored. "It's a plum miss," said a girl. "no it's an apple, but i like your thinking. The next one is oval shaped and green." The teacher ignored Little Johnny again and a boy said, "It's a kiwi miss." No, it's a guana, but i like your thinking." Little Johnny said, " I got one miss, its stiff, about an inch long and with a red nib." "Johny, thats disgusting!" shouted the teacher. " no it's a match, but i like your thinking." Said Little Johnny

6. I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

7. Yo momma so ugly she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.

Thanks for all your time reading these! If you have any joke suggestions leave a link below or just write them out and I'll give a shoutout!
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PokerFace January 3, 2015 at 1:01 PM UTC

Nice ones xD

Zedther January 3, 2015 at 1:01 PM UTC

lmao where do you get your material xD

chaibrit1 January 3, 2015 at 1:01 PM UTC

omg continue making these please, they're hilarious! Little Johnny thoo x)

Sphrynax January 3, 2015 at 1:01 PM UTC

ez1!!!111! 360 noscoped scrub

I love dem Little Johnny jokes xD

Shoto_ January 3, 2015 at 4:01 PM UTC

Little Johnny was raised well.

hasl January 3, 2015 at 7:01 PM UTC

Disclaimer- All jokes belong to their truthful owner. Which are anonymous
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Camemes January 3, 2015 at 8:01 PM UTC

Thanks man, super funny, keep on doing these. XD