Avicus Archive

I want to suicide by KalinD October 16, 2014 at 3:10 PM UTC

I really want to suicide, but I can't because I want to stay alive, but the life is shit, any help that I can get to enjoy the life again? 

pls

rememes October 16, 2014 at 3:10 PM UTC

Cal, please reconsider. You've been a good friend of mine. I don't want you to go.
Especially like that.
Please ;(

StewieFG October 16, 2014 at 3:10 PM UTC

don't do that
people that suicide have nothing
u do
there are shitty moments in life that u tell to user fml I wunna suicide
Happend to me
wait and u will be ok
if u need any help you have me on skype <3

Yung_Metro October 16, 2014 at 3:10 PM UTC

Any1 who suicides is a pussy. Not trying to make you feel worse but dont be a pussy.

Cxnfirmed October 16, 2014 at 3:10 PM UTC

"but the life is shit"

How can it be shit? 
You have a house, a family, internet, a computer, food, clothes, school and friends.

you don't have to walk 5 hours to get a bucket of water, so don't say its shit

StewieFG October 16, 2014 at 3:10 PM UTC

"but the life is shit"

How can it be shit? 
You have a house, a family, internet, a computer, food, clothes, school and friends.

you don't have to walk 5 hours to get a bucket of water, so don't say its shit
+1

Tarheelkiwi October 16, 2014 at 3:10 PM UTC

If you are seriously considering committing suicide, GET HELP!!!!!!  Don't do it, it doesn't solve anything.  Think of all the good times you had (in real life and in minecraft).  Everything will work out.  Just believe <3

Tarheelkiwi October 16, 2014 at 3:10 PM UTC

If you are attention seeking, not cool

fazer153 October 16, 2014 at 3:10 PM UTC

Pls no
It's not ogre... 
It's never ogre...
:(

KalinD October 16, 2014 at 3:10 PM UTC

ty 4 support

panda > ik, but 4 a french fgt, itz shit.


EDIT: It was for plaza^

BmB October 16, 2014 at 3:10 PM UTC

I really get the feeling that this post isn't serious.

garsdef October 16, 2014 at 3:10 PM UTC

ty 4 support

panda > ik, but 4 a french fgt, itz shit.


EDIT: It was for plaza^
i didnt say anything

resepignev October 16, 2014 at 3:10 PM UTC

I really get the feeling that this post isn't serious.
Well me too, if he really wants to, then he wouldn't post it here....

lordteddey October 16, 2014 at 3:10 PM UTC

Hang on, writing you a paragraph on skype.

KalinD October 16, 2014 at 3:10 PM UTC

bmb > it is

IviFetita October 16, 2014 at 4:10 PM UTC

No, friend!
You are a good person for the world,
I know that it is hard for you, but think
in your friendships, your family, think in all of us
D: Plz DONT

Pelpelajax October 16, 2014 at 5:10 PM UTC

First off I don't care it this is fake or not this is a serious topic and it needs to be discussed for everyone's benefit. Right know your thinking "my life is shit and I need it to end". In your eyes this is the right solution. But imagine how much upset you would cause to anyone close to you. You would leave them shattered. In times like these it is important to stay strong and especially tell your parents about your feelings. I bet you your thinking "I am not gonna tell them because I don't want them to be involved". However they are there to support you, they're not there watch you suffer. A real life friend if mine taught of comitting suicide as well. I am glad he didn't. I would have been able to hide my grief. And I know that you shouldn't do it either. I am dead serious about this. Talk to someone and get your mind of things. 

Contact me on Skype if you want someone to talk to ~ pelpelajax is my Skype name.

Once again your life might be shit right now and you want to end it. Always look ahead, talk to someone you trust and get your mind of things. Hope this helped, as I said feel free to talk to me on Skype where we can discuss this in private. What you tell me on Skype, stays on Skype.

fazer153 October 16, 2014 at 5:10 PM UTC

Also
"suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem"
ye

S3M3L October 16, 2014 at 6:10 PM UTC

It's a part of growing up from being a kid to a grown-up, some times you will be happy as fudge and sometimes you will be sad as fudge, but you should never think of suicide, how hard life is or will be. Some people who actually suffer from severe anxiety, depression or diseases like that end their life because they can't handle the pressure, the depression, the anxiety (I had a friend who ended her life). It's not a pussy-move or something I can call someone pussy for, if someone told me that I would seriously punch his/her teeth out. (jrl143 don't joke about this.)

If you want to talk, just send me a message, I'm always available on skype. :)

Sevoo October 16, 2014 at 8:10 PM UTC

If this isn't serious,than -_-.
But(t) if it is,suicide is never the awnser.

Here's a quote I really like.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

-Not sure

Goodnighht October 16, 2014 at 8:10 PM UTC

I got to be honest I have a irl friend and he want to commit suicide but then he moved to Georgia... I don't know what hes ok or not and it scares me. becuz neither one of us rly txt and when he calls in always doing school or something so I cant talk. the last time I talked to him he sounded better but its still scary. suicide is never the right thing cuz what ever you are going through now is gonna be gone hopefully within the next few years and maybe even sooner. but if you do obviously that's very sad D: but what ever happens remember to keep your eye out of the one and only person who will never leave or forget you.
watch this i hope it helps <3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsMAXhc0QTs

Titan16 October 16, 2014 at 8:10 PM UTC

Listen. Suicide is a huge topic in almost everybody's lives. Either we've thought about it, had friends or family members who have done it, and all it does is hurt. 

I've never met you personally, I don't know you, I don't know your background. But everyone has a story, everyone has a past. Some people's pasts aren't the greatest, and everyone needs to respect that. And I respect you, Cal. The fact that you are still here with us today yet you've been having suicidal thoughts.. Is phenomenal. That means you're strong. Determined. Driven. Passionate. The list could go on forever.

I have had to deal with people in my life nearing suicide, in fact 3 of my very close friends consistently have suicidal thoughts. One of which over the past Summer called one of my friends saying "I'm done. It's happening." And threatened suicide over the phone. We ended up calling the police and having them rush to her house and save her life. I've gone through many of these situations, and it's hard. 

And I'm telling you. And I promise you. It does, and will get better. Trust me, I know you're probably thinking I'm telling nonsense here. But I can assure you, things will get better for you. Just think of all of the possibilities... Maybe later on you'll get a job offering you would never refuse. Maybe you'll spark in a relationship you never want to let go of. Start a family, and have children to love, and take care of. Find a new hobby, and maybe that will carry you on until more good things come your way. 

Not everything is good, in fact there are many bad things in life. But surviving through those bad happenings and moving forward, is what truly makes a human being strong. And right now, you my friend are strong. You pushed through those thoughts and seeked help from your community, and that's exactly what we're here for. Truthfully, I'm proud of you. Who knows what could have happened if you didn't seek help. And that's all I'm here for, is to help you throughout life whether that be through Minecraft, or real life situations. But as long as you push through those hard things, you'll eventually begin to open up to life, and truly love the life you have.

And lastly, seek as much help as possible. Don't be afraid of asking, don't be embarrassed, because people will always be willing to help. Including myself. If you ever have any concerns, or problems going on, talk to me. Feel free to open up and let it out. Your life is too valuable to be taken, live it while you can. So feel better, and best of wishes to you.

-Jake

_Phyre October 16, 2014 at 8:10 PM UTC

no lyfe Minecraft, get into skype calls with other's in the community, if something is bothering you, talk to the people you TRUST like mods (that are Serious about life, like Avigill) :P

Or me, i can probably cheer you up :)

Btw if you are going trough trouble, Dont suicide... "Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems".

Zintenka October 16, 2014 at 8:10 PM UTC

Listen. Suicide is a huge topic in almost everybody's lives. Either we've thought about it, had friends or family members who have done it, and all it does is hurt. 

I've never met you personally, I don't know you, I don't know your background. But everyone has a story, everyone has a past. Some people's pasts aren't the greatest, and everyone needs to respect that. And I respect you, Cal. The fact that you are still here with us today yet you've been having suicidal thoughts.. Is phenomenal. That means you're strong. Determined. Driven. Passionate. The list could go on forever.

I have had to deal with people in my life nearing suicide, in fact 3 of my very close friends consistently have suicidal thoughts. One of which over the past Summer called one of my friends saying "I'm done. It's happening." And threatened suicide over the phone. We ended up calling the police and having them rush to her house and save her life. I've gone through many of these situations, and it's hard. 

And I'm telling you. And I promise you. It does, and will get better. Trust me, I know you're probably thinking I'm telling nonsense here. But I can assure you, things will get better for you. Just think of all of the possibilities... Maybe later on you'll get a job offering you would never refuse. Maybe you'll spark in a relationship you never want to let go of. Start a family, and have children to love, and take care of. Find a new hobby, and maybe that will carry you on until more good things come your way. 

Not everything is good, in fact there are many bad things in life. But surviving through those bad happenings and moving forward, is what truly makes a human being strong. And right now, you my friend are strong. You pushed through those thoughts and seeked help from your community, and that's exactly what we're here for. Truthfully, I'm proud of you. Who knows what could have happened if you didn't seek help. And that's all I'm here for, is to help you throughout life whether that be through Minecraft, or real life situations. But as long as you push through those hard things, you'll eventually begin to open up to life, and truly love the life you have.

And lastly, seek as much help as possible. Don't be afraid of asking, don't be embarrassed, because people will always be willing to help. Including myself. If you ever have any concerns, or problems going on, talk to me. Feel free to open up and let it out. Your life is too valuable to be taken, live it while you can. So feel better, and best of wishes to you.

-Jake
Thats deep. Listen to him Calined.

Goodnighht October 16, 2014 at 8:10 PM UTC

Listen. Suicide is a huge topic in almost everybody's lives. Either we've thought about it, had friends or family members who have done it, and all it does is hurt. 

I've never met you personally, I don't know you, I don't know your background. But everyone has a story, everyone has a past. Some people's pasts aren't the greatest, and everyone needs to respect that. And I respect you, Cal. The fact that you are still here with us today yet you've been having suicidal thoughts.. Is phenomenal. That means you're strong. Determined. Driven. Passionate. The list could go on forever.

I have had to deal with people in my life nearing suicide, in fact 3 of my very close friends consistently have suicidal thoughts. One of which over the past Summer called one of my friends saying "I'm done. It's happening." And threatened suicide over the phone. We ended up calling the police and having them rush to her house and save her life. I've gone through many of these situations, and it's hard. 

And I'm telling you. And I promise you. It does, and will get better. Trust me, I know you're probably thinking I'm telling nonsense here. But I can assure you, things will get better for you. Just think of all of the possibilities... Maybe later on you'll get a job offering you would never refuse. Maybe you'll spark in a relationship you never want to let go of. Start a family, and have children to love, and take care of. Find a new hobby, and maybe that will carry you on until more good things come your way. 

Not everything is good, in fact there are many bad things in life. But surviving through those bad happenings and moving forward, is what truly makes a human being strong. And right now, you my friend are strong. You pushed through those thoughts and seeked help from your community, and that's exactly what we're here for. Truthfully, I'm proud of you. Who knows what could have happened if you didn't seek help. And that's all I'm here for, is to help you throughout life whether that be through Minecraft, or real life situations. But as long as you push through those hard things, you'll eventually begin to open up to life, and truly love the life you have.

And lastly, seek as much help as possible. Don't be afraid of asking, don't be embarrassed, because people will always be willing to help. Including myself. If you ever have any concerns, or problems going on, talk to me. Feel free to open up and let it out. Your life is too valuable to be taken, live it while you can. So feel better, and best of wishes to you.

-Jake
hoy crap I almost cried and I've never had suicidal thoughts... I cant imagine what calledin is felling right now he probably crying his hearts out in such a great way because of this <3 that was awesome

mustafa October 16, 2014 at 9:10 PM UTC

Everyone in life has a purpose. Some people's purposes may be religion. Others' may be someone they love. If you don't have any purpose in life, then find one. Just don't hurt others while doing it <3

Please don't go Cal. You don't know what could happen when your gone. It's best to let the universe work the way it does and not leave before it's your time :')

Emmaye October 16, 2014 at 9:10 PM UTC

Please no cali :c

_Phyre October 16, 2014 at 9:10 PM UTC

Wait wait... do you really want to stab yourself and feel all the pain... before you die? It feels like you are being penetrated by a drill in the brain.. pl0x no ;c

Tarheelkiwi October 16, 2014 at 9:10 PM UTC

Wait wait... do you really want to stab yourself and feel all the pain... before you die? It feels like you are being penetrated by a drill in the brain.. pl0x no ;c
I just got to ask this, how do you know what it feels to die

Zintenka October 16, 2014 at 9:10 PM UTC

I just got to ask this, how do you know what it feels to die
He means the pain of having an object drill into you.

Lavish October 16, 2014 at 10:10 PM UTC

You should talk about this more with irl friends and your family rather than here, they can you help you much more than we can.

ViolentBoo October 16, 2014 at 10:10 PM UTC

Trust me, you're not going to do it T_T

Stimulating October 16, 2014 at 10:10 PM UTC

Just one thing you should remember. Imagine how your Friends on Family will feel if you go through with this. Every cloud has it's silver lining, it may be hard to see sometimes but it's always there. Do it for the people you love, remember what you've loved and try to remember good times. There's always a reason to live but sometimes it's very hard to see such a purpose. If you need to talk to anyone you can ask me, or any of your friends or family. As my Grandpa used to say "It's all about your friends and family, the rest is Bullshit". We'll always be here for you, don't just be another wasted life, another statistic on a chart, be yourself and live for all of us.

Tarheelkiwi October 16, 2014 at 10:10 PM UTC

See homie, you got a lot of love.  Hope to see you in game!

Porkyyy October 16, 2014 at 10:10 PM UTC

Don't do it, we all love you, just think about how hurt your family and friends will be for the rest of their lives, thinking that it may be their faiult! :'(

Jehna October 16, 2014 at 10:10 PM UTC

Listen. Suicide is a huge topic in almost everybody's lives. Either we've thought about it, had friends or family members who have done it, and all it does is hurt. 

I've never met you personally, I don't know you, I don't know your background. But everyone has a story, everyone has a past. Some people's pasts aren't the greatest, and everyone needs to respect that. And I respect you, Cal. The fact that you are still here with us today yet you've been having suicidal thoughts.. Is phenomenal. That means you're strong. Determined. Driven. Passionate. The list could go on forever.

I have had to deal with people in my life nearing suicide, in fact 3 of my very close friends consistently have suicidal thoughts. One of which over the past Summer called one of my friends saying "I'm done. It's happening." And threatened suicide over the phone. We ended up calling the police and having them rush to her house and save her life. I've gone through many of these situations, and it's hard. 

And I'm telling you. And I promise you. It does, and will get better. Trust me, I know you're probably thinking I'm telling nonsense here. But I can assure you, things will get better for you. Just think of all of the possibilities... Maybe later on you'll get a job offering you would never refuse. Maybe you'll spark in a relationship you never want to let go of. Start a family, and have children to love, and take care of. Find a new hobby, and maybe that will carry you on until more good things come your way. 

Not everything is good, in fact there are many bad things in life. But surviving through those bad happenings and moving forward, is what truly makes a human being strong. And right now, you my friend are strong. You pushed through those thoughts and seeked help from your community, and that's exactly what we're here for. Truthfully, I'm proud of you. Who knows what could have happened if you didn't seek help. And that's all I'm here for, is to help you throughout life whether that be through Minecraft, or real life situations. But as long as you push through those hard things, you'll eventually begin to open up to life, and truly love the life you have.

And lastly, seek as much help as possible. Don't be afraid of asking, don't be embarrassed, because people will always be willing to help. Including myself. If you ever have any concerns, or problems going on, talk to me. Feel free to open up and let it out. Your life is too valuable to be taken, live it while you can. So feel better, and best of wishes to you.

-Jake
Thanks for sharing this Jake.

SlabSun October 16, 2014 at 11:10 PM UTC

1. Get plush
2. Hug it and talk to it.
3. Repeat until you have a mass army of plush

Mission accomplished! It really does work, unless you're not into the whole plush thing..

Princezz_Dubstep October 16, 2014 at 11:10 PM UTC

Suicide isn't the option to go to when life gets rough. In life, you can get sad, but you can also be happy. Everything maybe not together right now, but I can promise you one thing. It will get better. You may ask "When? I'm tired of waiting. I'm done" Truth is, you don't know when It will get better, but I sure as hell know it will. Taking a life is serious, think of the after effects. The cause to the effect. People will be so sad, it's depressing. People won't be the same without you. And I know this from experience, my friend killed herself. Yet, she didn't know the cause and effect she would have on others. It hurt me so much. You don't even know. I can't be the same without her. If you ever wondered why I'm so happy, is because hurting people is effing screwed up. I can't bare to hurt anyone. 

Subtract the negative people from your life, add in positive people. Trust me, hurting yourself isn't worth sh*t. You look back, and see that you screwed up. Sure everyone makes a  mistake, but having another person kill them self is the last thing I want to experience. Ever. People really care. I promise. Sure, you may be upset, sad, distressed, depressed, quiet etc. But taking a temp. problem and handling it with a life long solution, isn't going to help. It will always get better. Maybe not right this second, but soon. I promise. 

We are all going to die, it's life. Why risk it now? Take what happens to strengthen you, let it inspire you. "You have 3 options, you can let it define you, strengthen you, or let it destroy you" Become a bigger person, and not care. I know that it's hard for people, I know that life isn't going to be easy. At all. But, why give them the reaction they want? Why give them what they want? Why give them your life? Truth is, you are an amazing person, everyone of you is. Life gets rough, but don't make it a reason to kill yourself. I can never forgive myself to having my friend kill herself. I can never. Ever. When she passed away, it was game over. All gone. Everything.

She was such a strong person, she tried lots of things, but not everything. I helped her as much as I could. To this day, I can't EVER forgive myself. Think of this, what will your parents think? They care about you way more then you will EVER know. What about your friends? What will they think? They will think that they didn't help you, they will be sad and depressed. Your parents really care about you. Trust me. Things aren't easy, sure you may seem like you had enough of them. But really, did you? When they are gone, will you care? Of course. Taking your life is gone, it's seriously over. O. V. E. R. 

How will it feel to your parents knowing that their own kid killed himself? When they see you dead, what will they do? They will ball their eyes out. They will NEVER forgive them selves knowing that they may think it's their fault. 

We all have tough times in life, it's a fact. Take it as a time to strengthen you, I know you are strong. I know you are very capable. Just when you may think of giving up, think of the effects. You will get happy again, that's a fact.

Find your happiness man. All my life I did everything to make everyone happy, I stopped caring about my happiness. I really did. I care much more about others than myself. Making someone else feel better, is the best thing in the world. Find what you enjoy, really. It will make you 1000000x happier. The best thing is, is to ignore the negatives, and enjoy the positives. Have fun w/ life, no one is immortal. We will all die someday, make the most while you have it :)

It will all be okay, trust me. Their is lots of people here for you, including me. :) I don't have to know you personally to care for your life. I care about everyone, and I always will. Sometimes it's great to just be by yourself to sort things out :) Don't ever feel disappointed in yourself. You are an amazing person, and you always will be. Don't give up on the tough times, let it strengthen you. One day, you'll look back, and see how silly it was to do such a thing. Life can get better, if you make it happen. Don't let the obstacles get in the way of your dream. Only you can make that happen :)

Talk to me on Skype if you'd like, I'll support you through anything, and I will help you.

Please.

Titan16 October 16, 2014 at 11:10 PM UTC

Thanks for sharing this Jake.
The pleasure's mine.

RefuseToSink October 17, 2014 at 12:10 AM UTC

The thing about suicide, is that it effects those around you tremendously. It's not the way to leave this Earth, because once you're gone, you are really gone. And you friends and family would be so upset, to see such a beautiful form of life leave this Earth in such a tragic way. 

A few weeks ago, one of my friends confessed that she's been suicidal for 3 years. I instantly blamed myself, that was the cause of it, because I didn't notice that she was this way. Sometimes, people may not notice these things, and as hard as it is, you just have to speak up. 
   
Just remember, that people do care. Talk to someone, get help, please. 
I'm available to talk anytime you'd like to.

JUBBINATOR October 17, 2014 at 12:10 AM UTC

But the hobbit Part 3 is coming out
and the avengers 2!1!!1!!!111
Plus you've never seen the great wall of China, I don't think.
You ever ride in the chunnel?
Yo like, stress can be bad, but like so much stuff is left to do man.

Alekpower October 17, 2014 at 12:10 AM UTC

Dude... what is this I don't even? 

You wanna see how hard life really is? You probably live at home with your parents. They may be the problem I do not know but IDC if they are. Try moving out of their house, getting a minimum wage paying job, and trying to pay for food, water, and electricity. So compared to most adults, your life is probably not half bad.

PublixEmployee October 17, 2014 at 1:10 AM UTC

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." -Robin Donahue
 

Lavish October 17, 2014 at 1:10 AM UTC

But the hobbit Part 3 is coming out
and the avengers 2!1!!1!!!111
Plus you've never seen the great wall of China, I don't think.
You ever ride in the chunnel?
Yo like, stress can be bad, but like so much stuff is left to do man.
word dawg

Allen_Iverson October 17, 2014 at 1:10 AM UTC

Will you buy my mixtape?

KalinD October 17, 2014 at 1:10 PM UTC

Okay everyone, thanks for support, this day was such an awesome day for my life and I don't want to suicide anymore, THANKS <3 


~cali

Pelpelajax October 17, 2014 at 1:10 PM UTC

Okay everyone, thanks for support, this day was such an awesome day for my life and I don't want to suicide anymore, THANKS <3 


~cali
Good to hear, sorry for you that you has these thoughts! Glad that you put them behind you and your life :)

kycrafft October 17, 2014 at 2:10 PM UTC

Any1 who suicides is a pussy. Not trying to make you feel worse but dont be a pussy.
You are what you eat???

Titan16 October 18, 2014 at 2:10 AM UTC

Okay everyone, thanks for support, this day was such an awesome day for my life and I don't want to suicide anymore, THANKS <3 


~cali
Thank goodness. I am truly overjoyed to hear that. Please, take care of yourself. And if you need any support, contact me @jake41901 on Skype.

_CubeRoot October 18, 2014 at 2:10 AM UTC

Any1 who suicides is a pussy. Not trying to make you feel worse but dont be a pussy.

FrostedCupcakez October 18, 2014 at 5:10 AM UTC

Cal :( Please no, things may seem really tough right now. But it gets better over time, I promise. It may not seem like it right now, but everything will get better. I'm not sure what's going on in your life right now but I'm here for you if you ever need a friend. Please don't think about suicide, it's such a dark and negative thought D: Whatever is making you unhappy, try to just shove it aside for a little and take a break. However if this is a family problem and everything just try to figure things out, it's better to figure things out then having the event or memory in your head. In order to move on, we have to let go sometimes even if it may seem like you may never move on. We are very lucky to have access to many things that others in third world countries don't, try to see things as positives. Be strong for me, I know what your going through :( But chin up, and just keep walking. <3

EDIT: Didn't notice the message you said above, thank the Gods. <3

KalinD October 18, 2014 at 11:10 AM UTC

<3

SnowSX3 October 18, 2014 at 11:10 AM UTC

<3
There is no need for you to bump this thread as it has played out.
No disrespect intended.

Matic0B October 18, 2014 at 11:10 AM UTC

Suicide is a permanant solution to a temporary problem. Things can get bad but after every storm, the sun will shine.

Also no offence but to me it just seems like you are seeking for attention (looking at your previous posts and bumping the thread)

Zedther October 18, 2014 at 11:10 AM UTC

TBH people above, Cal is just expressing his gratitude, and not intentionally bumping..
you do realize that what you might consider a bump is nowhere near a bump if it is a post within a few hours...

SnowSX3 October 18, 2014 at 12:10 PM UTC

Suicide is a permanant solution to a temporary problem. Things can get bad but after every storm, the sun will shine.

Also no offence but to me it just seems like you are seeking for attention (looking at your previous posts and bumping the thread)
Every point you have said has already been covered.
Which is why this thread needs to be locked.

SnowSX3 October 18, 2014 at 12:10 PM UTC

TBH people above, Cal is just expressing his gratitude, and not intentionally bumping..
you do realize that what you might consider a bump is nowhere near a bump if it is a post within a few hours...
Cal already expressed his thanks and people were relieved.
What was once a legitimate topic is now nothing more than spam.

But, this latest post was a random heart that was not explained and not directed at anyone in general.
Also, he commented this heart 6 hours after all was said and done.

Although bumping threads isn't illegal, bumping threads while contributing nothing to it is illegal.

Therefore, because this thread has run its course and because it's now been degraded to pointless bumps and comments, this topic needs to be locked.

badgg October 18, 2014 at 12:10 PM UTC

This isn't appropriate for our Forums. If I were you, I would seek help from a professional instead of getting help from people who originate from the internet.

Hope you feel better though...